My vision says that in 2024, we will be living in the world we all know is coming – the world where there is peace, justice, love and beauty.  Where life is fun and deep, where hearts are open, where we work for each other, where work is not exhausting, and where the world itself is limitless.

I know it is hard to see from here.  I have been seeing this vision for a long time, and yearning for it  I knew a paradigm shift was coming in the 90’s, but didn’t have a confirmation until the first time I saw Barack Obama in 2006.  Then I knew we were actually already in the shift, and I drew a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I had not realized I had been holding my breath for a long time.

Another shift signal came in late December last year, 2020. For me, the world actually lightened up, and I relaxed, feeling more cheerful, knowing that we were irrevocably now committed to the new, though the actual evidence was / is still lacking.

It can be challenging to know the new world is right behind that curtain, and to hold true when we can’t see it, yet we have to hold the vision.  That is our job now.  To keep seeing the world we want to live in, to feel that joy and ease, to hold that beauty in our hearts.  We have to refuse the hate and anger and fear, and remember the spiritual message of FEAR, taught in intuition classes since the 70’s:  False Evidence Appearing Real.

Let’s let our own anger go right now, see past it and through it to ease and joy.  Holding our vision of the world as it will be in a very short time will speed up the transition.  Our joy, our readiness, our feet starting down the path are signals to us and to others.  Feel it all coming, be grateful for every moment, hold the vision.

A long time ago – 7 years? 10 years? – I frequently spent time with two women friends, going to plays and to restaurants, enjoying our city’s great culture.  I was flexible, following their lead, to create a harmonious atmosphere.  Until I suddenly woke up and didn’t want to any more.  Out with them separately, as well as together, I found that I evidently did not measure up to their standards for food or for plays or for music.  I began to notice that what I wanted to do was not on their lists, and that I needed to go / attend / eat where they wished in order to have a pleasant evening.

I love a variety of restaurants always, plus many different cuisines, and lots of different kinds of theater, from the Know, raucous and boundary pushing, to Cincinnati Shakespeare’s classics, and the Ensemble somewhere in between.  As well as small theater groups all over the tri-state area.  Variety is my middle name, essentially.  All kinds of creativity make me happy!

So I simply became busy doing other things, wasn’t able to work their events into my schedule.  One of them noticed and made an overture, but I was just done, and was not ready to have a discussion or hash anything out or compromise.  I had had my fill.  Through several circumstances, the other reappeared in my life recently, and wanted to be involved in something that I do, which I love.  No sooner did she come to one gathering, than she began to do what she had done before – began to shape that gathering to fit her needs.  After we agreed to shift the meeting date to allow her to attend !!!, she then needed the time of the gathering to change.  And then that new date didn’t work either, so perhaps we could pick this particular date, which worked better for her.

I then had a dream, where all of us in the group were swimming in a bright and beautiful pool, like happy little dolphins.  She came into the group, and started to build a den, like a bear’s den, at one end of the pool, so she could be comfortable!  A den! In a swimming pool!

I did not simply walk away.  I talked the dream through with one of my friends in that group.  And a couple of days after waking from that dream, I called her to talk, and laid out what I had previously seen and what I was seeing now.  I told her that I understood her need to be comfortable, but that our group was unwilling to change to provide her that comfort.  She could, if she wished, try again, at our time and place and arrangements.

Her explanation to herself, and to me, was that there was a scheduling conflict, and she was sorry that her plans did not fit with our schedule, so she would not be able to attend.  I simply agreed.  She then mentioned the cancer death of another friend of ours, and how wrong she felt my behavior had been.  Good heavens.  I had done what I do, and mentioned some other healing possibilities, and then again one more time, and then let it go.

Then a few days later, I received a note from her, about how sad it was that the past had gotten in the way of our present.  Another good heavens.  My thought was that she had dragged that past into the present, and was unable to come into our group and our culture and our patterns and simply be with us, and see what would happen.

I am writing this out as an act of cleansing, to make myself feel better, and to better be able to let it go.

Here is my current favorite affirmation –

I Live in a World of Generosity, Gratitude and Grace, Where Alll the Magic and Miracles Fall into Place

That affirmation grew out of one that I worked with for years – I’m not even sure where I first heard / learned it:  I Live in a World of Grace Where All the Pieces Fall into Place.

And here’s another go-to affirmation / meditation:   I Am in Perfect Balance.  I Move Forward in Life with Ease and with Joy.

Affirmations are multi-use statements, which can help soothe us right now, while reprogramming our very cells to move us into a new reality.  I always say with laughter that an affirmation is not true when we first begin to say / repeat it – but after 13 or 14.000 times, we will have come to a new place and been re-shaped, such that our old scared or self-questioning life can seem very far away.

It’s easy to sit down to meditate with one of these affirmations. Just breathe quietly, perhaps with music, perhaps sitting up or lying down.  Start to repeat it in your mind, and when random thoughts intrude, just go back to it when you realize you’ve been side tracked.  You could also think about what it means, though that isn’t necessary at all to have it begin to point you in your correct direction.  What would your life look like, when you begin to life in a world of generosity, gratitude and grace?  How much fun would that be?  What kind of folks would be around you in that world?  What might you be wearing in a world full of grace?  Something beautiful, no doubt!

Your mantra / affirmation can come in handy all through your day = walking, loading the dishwasher, exercising, waiting on the zoom to open up.  Enjoy!

 

I have been musing on my own belief that We are each a Drop in the Ocean that is God.  Which clearly means that We are God, that We have soaring power and magnificent gifts.   Though we seem and can see ourselves as puny and pitiful.

 

I /  We also talk about our own Higher Selves.  I picture My Higher Self as the awake and fully conscious part of me, My Larger Mind, the 90% of me that is unseen.  I am continuously communicating all day, which I picture as sending questions up and getting answers back.  I call the What / Who I am talking to Spirit.  I also name That Which Answers as The Universe.  And as The Goddess.

 

And what is Heaven?   To most of us, it is the unseen place somewhere up in the sky, which we have named as Heaven.   I have many visions / concepts of heaven.  Looking almost like earth, where folks hanging out with each other, relatives gathering to await the arrival of the next family member coming to join them. And with immense space, where we might be luminescent / rainbow bubbles, communicating through thought, moving from space / time to the next space / time in an instant.

 

I also picture us each as working on the projects / goals that we have chosen, to explore / learn / and grow even as we no longer have bodies and timelines.  We are sometimes also preparing to return to earth, to continue our growth in this atmosphere.

 

And the question that has been asking me to answer it for the last several months is –  is our Higher Self Always / Already in Heaven?  Which would mean that we are actually already in Heaven as well.  Is that Ocean actually Heaven?  Is our Drop of Mind in that Ocean already Heavenly?  If so, All is Accessible to Us – every One of us.

 

We can know, we can experience, we can simply be.  And we can simply relax, knowing that all is being well managed, no matter what it looks like at the moment.

 

 

My son Brian and I gathered together 8 friends on Saturday at sundown to begin the ancient ritual and celebration of Passover.  Our eclectic seder was begun many years ago by our friend Mickie Singer Werner, who gathered many friends, Jewish and non, to celebrate the beautiful and moving ceremonial meal each year.  When she moved to York, Pennsylvania, she asked Brian and I to continue it. And so we have, with friends from many belief systems, from many levels of our city, and every demographic available.

There was one real difference this year – with Brian’s City Council campaign going at top speed – we just did not have time to shop for and prepare all those wonderful ritual dishes – matzoh ball soup, all those baked eggs, all that cooking, and finding everything for the seder plate – the horseradish, parsley, the horases, the lamb bone – which is usually, for us, a beautiful long seashell.  So this year, I googled vegetarian seder caterer.  And found one!  Out of Thyme in Montgomery, with Chef Jaime.  It was a wonderful meal, with excellent dishes, and even a tiny cup of salt water to dip the greens in.

And once again, as we have over so many years, we each took turns reading the hand-written Haggadah Mickie wrote all those years ago, and we all fled with those Jewish refugees out of Egypt into their future.  Next year in Jerusalem!

Last night, as I was settling into ‘my’ couch at MillerGardette, preparing for the City Silence meditation, I took one last look at my phone, and saw that the protester who had been shot, perhaps by another civilian, in Charlotte on Wednesday night, had just died.

As Kathryne was telling us to take a gentle breath and the Silence began, I sent my son Danny, who left the planet on June 12 of this year, to Charlotte to welcome this man, this protester, to heaven / the other side / the place of recalling and the place of new beginnings. The feeling that prompted my sending Danny was my understanding that many folks arrive, particularly when death is sudden and violent, in a confused state – and that Danny’s sturdy and gentle presence could help ease his transition.

The bare details in the New York Times this morning are that his name was Justin Carr and that he was 26. You are in a place of love, openness and forgiveness, Justin. All is well. And thank you, Danny, so much, for being with Justin – and with me. xoxox

Danny’s Foot

My other two sons and I, plus their father (who actually was there a week longer), spent a week in DC’s Prince Georges Hospital, mostly in the Critical Care waiting room, after Dan’s accident. On our second last day, Dan was moved upstairs to a sort of step down unit. The waiting room was worse, but the hospital room gave us more time and privacy. We had been talking to Danny all the time, but now there was not a room full of folk and tons of equipment around.

Brian and I were starting conversations with him – Bri noticed Dan’s left foot moving, and started asking questions about a plumbing problem he had been working on. Dan was signalling yes with his left foot, so Bri switched to yes / no questions. After that problem was solved, I started telling Dan about the new baby arriving soon in the family – Patrick and Annie were expecting a baby boy, to be named August Patrick McNamara, in the next few days. I said to Dan ‘Of course, you don’t know Annie.’ His foot became very agitated, and I realized he did know Annie – he had met her the year before at Patrick’s college graduation celebration. When I said that, Dan answered with a very emphatic and strong Yes movement of his foot. That afternoon left us very hopeful.

Dan’s Planet Leaving

Dan had been in the hospital exactly 4 weeks, minus 4 hours, and was each day showing more signs of waking up. Moving his head toward the speaker, opening his eyes on command, seeming to track conversations. He had had another and final surgery on his leg, his other physical wounds were healing fast, he was mostly off the ventilator, had a stomach tube for feeding, and a tracheotomy for breathing, so he did not have all that apparatus around his neck and face.

Donna was researching rehab centers, and we were making plans to return to DC, expecting a long rehab therapy program for Dan. Sunday morning, June 12, right about noon, Danny, still in a coma, reached up to his throat – probably a tickle or the feeling of a cough – and pulled out his trach. The staff could not get it back in. And just like that, our beloved Danny was gone from the planet.

It was awful – and even more awful having to tell folk. I really appreciated Facebook for making it faster and easier.

Danny’s Memorial Service

Danny’s Memorial was held just outside of northeast DC where he lived (Riverside, College Park, Cheverley, Lanham) on Saturday, June 25. The night before, most of Donna’s family and those of us from Cincinnati, had dinner at one of Dan’s favorite places, and the lunch following the service was at another such place, where Kyle’s college graduation celebration had been held.

Danny loved and lived in tie-dye T-shirts, so Donna found a website with lots of choices, so we could each have a tie-dye shirt for the service. Mine, of course, was a bright and beautiful spring green. She, grandson Kyle, and her family found pictures of Danny, and we found some here – so there were easels up with pictures of Dan all around the room. Donna had chosen a gorgeous urn – that deep green with bronze, Japanese raku.

Donna’s uncle, a Baptist minister from North Carolina, led the service. A lot of Danny’s and Donna’s and Kyle’s friends were present – well over a hundred folk, I expect. Donna had selected Dan’s and her favorite music, prepared a wonderful program, and even found a woman who embeds seeds in small paper hearts, so they can be planted outside and grow in honor of Dan.

Executives from Donna’s office had managed to find tie-dye ties to wear. And grandson Kyle had a friend tie-dye a polo shirt for him.

Many of Dan’s friends spoke, a multicultural mix with different ages coming up. Son Terry spoke about Danny saving him from drowning in the ocean, about all his memories of Dan. And then came up again a few speakers later to tell everyone how glad he was that his brother Danny was surrounded by so many great and wonderful friends in DC. Brian also spoke, giving a truly beautiful appreciation of Dan and his special qualities – especially a gift for happiness.

I was totally unable to speak, and just wept on Brian’s shoulder most of the time. After the service, Jerry, Brian, Terry and I just held on to each other in a circle. Then we got Kyle and brought him into the circle. I felt Danny surrounding and holding on to all of us.

Eddie Goldstein’s Service

The week before Danny’s service, one of Brian’s best friends was in hospice care, dying of pancreatic cancer – Brian spent most of that week with Eddie. When we flew back from DC on Sunday morning, we went straight to Eddie’s service in Northern Kentucky. It was also beautiful, and brought us back in touch with a lot of the old neighborhood.

Donna and Kyle

Life is hard for Danny’s wife, Donna (36 years of marriage!) and son Kyle, 30, now. They are working to keep the business going and to keep their lives together. Donna has quit her job and is working in DC Supply now – Danny’s (Crum – that’s the DC) plumbing supply business, where Dan was the outside guy and son Kyle was the inside guy. They are just taking it one day at a time.

Barb’s Visit

My friend Barb waited a couple of months to come in from Minneapolis, and was here last week. Another friend of hers came in from Toronto, and yet another close friend hosted us and fed us a fair bit of the time at her condo in Hyde Park. A trip to another friend’s farm, interesting shopping, talking late, late, late – and eating lots and everywhere. A great and relaxing and regenerating visit. Thanks, Barb!

Brian and I

Brian and I are spending more time together than usual – we both have very busy lives, which intersect at community / politics / development lines, but which haven’t always left us a lot of time together. We are now scheduling each other in, especially with visits to 2-1/2 month old August, and tonight to Lumenocity, Cincinnati’s special laser light celebration.